So I'm taking a pseudoscience class. I know. I know.
But we had this pointless, yet ridiculously fun, homework where we had to write an alien abduction story, take UFO pictures, and try to take a picture of the aliens who abducted us.
Heres my Story:
I was sitting on the roof of my car. Perhaps the extra three feet off the ground brought them to me, perhaps it was something else- at the time, I wasn’t thinking of it.
I was cold, angry, tired, and hopeless. Fighting does that to a person, or at least to me in any case. I had been fighting. It was windy and the brisk air was making my eyes water. I wasn’t crying, I swear, it was the wind…
At first, I thought the light was just a product of my blurry vision. I brushed my tears away. Still there. I squeezed my eyes shut and reopened. Not gone.
What in the world?
Actually, nothing. Nothing of this world, but I wasn’t thinking of that at the time either…
The light had been bright- too bright. It had also been warm, which was comforting; giving my chill bumps a break. I had to be dreaming. I always enjoyed lucid dreams- if you couldn’t control the world, at least you could control your dreams. I stood up (on the hood of my car, in boots, because I knew I was dreaming and wouldn’t notice those scratches and dents when I awoke) and turned my face to catch the full warmth of the light. It advanced, getting brighter and brighter (too bright) until even my closed eyes could not face its intensity. I tried to exercise control of the dream and dim the light. I tried very hard. I tried to turn it off. I tried to make it the sun, and to put myself on a beach. I tried everything, and I failed. I hate failing…
It was then, in that instant, that the fear struck me. Immediately I was overcome and I opened my eyes. The light! Too bright! Then suddenly… darkness. Blindness? I scrambled off my hood, twisting my ankle on the way down (damn boots). I could feel the warmth growing stronger, even though my eyes had failed me. I scurried under my car, because surely, my car would keep me safe from whatever creatures were coming for me. I suppose I wasn’t thinking clearly. Had I known they had picked me specifically I wouldn’t have run. Had I known they’d been following me for years I wouldn’t have run. Had I known there was no way imaginable that I could have hid from them, I would have saved myself the embarrassment of running (and the twisted ankle of course). Or I might have still run.
But I didn’t know. So, at the time, I cowered under my car and waited. I heard noises (what else does one hear?). There were no engine sounds, just a soft thud when the craft encountered the hard soil. I heard hydraulics. I heard snapping. I heard… music. I longed to see, but was relieved I couldn’t. I would have probably peed. People do that sometimes when they’re scared. Not that I do. But, you know, some people might…
I lay there, trying not to pee, when suddenly I was blown out from under the car. When I say blown, I mean blown. I’m not talking about someone slowly pulling me out, or someone asking me to come out, or even anyone shoving me out violently. This was a gust of frigid air forcing my frame from under the car and into the starlight (that I couldn’t see). Welcome back chill bumps.
More snapping. “What the hell is that?” I thought. I was laying on the ground, wondering how exposed I was when I was pulled up by what felt like a painless hook attached to the back of my head. Standing was the last thing I wanted to do. I peed, and then I passed out.
When I awoke, I was in another world- literally. I was also in dry clothes, thank god. There was that snapping noise all around me. My eyes still didn’t work. I reached out. I knew someone (or something) was close to me, and I reached for it. I would say “I found it,” if I had reached out, grasped around for it and finally felt my hand close on it, but this was much more like reaching out and being reached out to in return. I touched something long, slender, and, yes, furry. I recoiled. More snapping. Then, I felt the softness of the fur on my face, and something saucer shaped, almost like a suction cup cover each of my eyes and then fall away. I could see again. I looked around, and wished to be blind. I peed.
I was surrounded by 8-10 furry creatures. Normally, the word furry suggests images of tiny rabbits hoping around, or cute and cuddly kittens. I hope this is not the “furry” you are thinking. Think more of an abominable snowman, with the most caring and sweet face you’ve ever seen, yet a demeanor that suggests he might have skinned 700 “furry” rabbits for his coat, and 900 more just for the fun of it.
They were majestic. They stood upright, like a human, but they towered at a staggering 8 feet tall. They were actually fairly thin, though. Only their white/grey fur made them seem thick. Protruding from where their breasts might originally be, were two long slender tentacles with suction cup-like ends. Had I fondled one of these creatures earlier?! They each had four arms. Two smaller arms with hairless fingers created that strange snapping sound I kept hearing. Ah!- communication. Two larger arms, resembling normal arms (with fur) and performing normal arm functions, were busy doing arm things. One was passing a salve to another, who was coating my ankle in it, then massaging it with a suctioned tentacle. I probably would have laughed at this site (you probably would have too) but the pain in my ankle was quickly subsiding, so all I could do was stare.
The snapping was consistent. I found it hard to imagine one creature could hear and comprehend another over all of the snapping, but it seemed to be working fine for them. They moved with a graceful and steady speed and agility. I was shaking, but I wasn’t afraid. They were helping me. After they had applied the salve, and my ankle was feeling like new, they gathered around me and they all put their tentacles on my body. Their snapping took on a chant-like rhythm. The sensation was overwhelming and I immediately started crying, had an orgasm, and then went unconscious.
I remained with the Couziers (for that was what they had eventually told me they like to be called) for 4 years. I communicated with them through a special thought bug they placed in my brain. This bug was capable of translating what they were saying into whatever language I pleased. Sometimes I tried to practice on my Spanish by forcing my thought bug to translate that way. I still don’t know Spanish.
The Couziers taught me many things, though I doubt I taught them any. I learned of their planet, a cold barren land with skyscraping tree-like entities that produce a meaty fruit (which necessitated the Couziers abnormal height and thick fur). I learned of their culture, one filled with song, dance, peace, sex, and an ever-present search for truth and knowledge (which produced all their cool technology, and ankle healing salves).
These were the things the Couziers tried to teach me: Lessons about their pillars of truth. To always make music, for it instigates reverence and awe; To know my body and move it in line with the songs of my people and the song of my universe; To seek first peace among all people (and all creatures- even furry outer-space ones); To understand my sexuality and appreciate the pleasure the body can provide, and to always look for ways to grow, things to learn, and new truths to be discovered.
The Couziers had come to me with a mission, and they sent me back here to Earth to spread their word. I am their ambassador. Someday they hope to openly visit our planet, but someone has to make the way for them. Violent religions and skewed politicians would not accept the Couziers today. It is my job to spread a new morality and a new way of thinking, so that eventually we may be able to share our world with the Couziers and they may be able to share theirs with us.
I still visit the Couziers. They enjoy reports on the progress of humanity, and they like to give me new truths and information that they have gleaned from their relentless search for knowledge. I have been back on their craft 4 times, but for significantly shorter periods than my maiden voyage. I never fail to be surprised, though, whenever I spend 4 months with the Couziers, then return to earth 15 whole seconds before the “abduction” actually took place. There is still a lot to learn.
I have no idea why the Couziers picked me. It seems quite strange. I’m a coward. I’m a runner, a hider, a failer, a crier, and worst of all, a pee-er. Yet, the Couziers have faith in me and see something worthy inside of me. Perhaps this is the fundamental message they have sent with me- simply to appreciate the diversity around us. To love others for what they have to offer, and not to ostracize them for their shortcomings. Simply, to accept.
And here's some of my pix. The ones to turn in I couldn't take on my digital camera, and I think they actually turned out better.. but heres the ones I took digitally anyway.



Hehe.. oh well- it was fun. :)